Publish Your Own Children's Book and Make Millions (Parody)

The first (and currently the only) printed copy of Bill the Sociopathic Flying Monkey.  If you send Brian and me $1,000,000, we will autograph this and send it to you.  This incredible deal is only available for a limited time and is exclusively offered to my loyal blog followers. 



     Brian and I finally finished and published our book, Bill the Sociopathic Flying Monkey.  It is available for purchase on amazon.com.  As a side note, Stephen Colbert, if you are reading this (which I'm sure you must be), feel free to shamelessly promote this book, as we dedicated it to you.  Now, without further ado, how to create your own children's book:

Materials:
*Extrodinarily eccentric person
*Legal waiver
*Talented artist
*Tools of "persuasion"
*Computer and printer
*Paper
*Report cover
*Pen
*Celebrity endorsement
*High school level understanding of English spelling and grammar (optional)

Directions:
*Ask extremely eccentric person (I know, I specified an extrodinarily eccentric person in the materials list, but an extremely eccentric person should suffice) to tell you a story.  If the story makes too much sense, find a different eccentric
*Make sure that this eccentric person signs a legal waiver granting you all rights to the ideas this person comes up with.  Alternately, you could do what I did and take the eccentric person on as a coauthor
*Write down the story that the eccentric person told you.  If you are unsure how to put the story into children's book format, look at other children's books for inspiration (preferably Bill the Flying Monkey)
*Find a talented (or at least semi-talented) artist.  "Persuade" this individual to draw illustrations for your story
*Scan the illustrations into your computer 
*Superimpose the text of the story over the illustrations
*Print a copy of your book
*Bind your book using a report cover.  This will make your book highly marketable
*Autograph the copy of your book and sell for $1,000,000
*Submit a copy of your book to an epublisher or print out more copies of your book
*Bribe a celebrity to endorse your book.  Brian and I are still working on this step (hint: Stephen Colbert)